He is kind, fair and gentle. Stern in that He doesn't put up with my stuff. He is so smart and so fun and so funny and so loving. i respect Him greatly for all that He is and for what He does in His life as a husband, father, son, professional, and friend. He gives so much of himself and His time to all of us in His life and i like to think that i offer Him enough quality and quantity of mine to make His days just a bit brighter. i just hate it that i can't be perfect for Him (smiles.... who do i think i am, anyways) (i can answer that, i am His girl, flaws and all).
i don't like it that i write these "about me" blog entries. So maybe once this is done i will focus on "about experiences" blog entires? But since this is an "about me" posting, i will continue ...... i am so self focused that i can't just get over it... maybe it's because the balance is so elusive to me, that voice of balance that i feel should be me that says "hey you girl, you messed up, you cleaned it up, get over it and get on with it". When people come to me in their angst and want to talk their stuff through, that is how i encourage them to .....but following my own advice... hmmm i guess i'm not a very good self advocate. Maybe the voice of balance should be that once the self forgiveness happens and Master's forgiveness has happened, i simply hold my chin up and get on with what ever comes next in the day. Would i learn my lesson better if i just took my lumps and moved along? Or would i learn my lesson better if i played that old tape again and again to keep making myself feel bad? (that doesn't sound helpful). Maybe it would be more helpful and a better use of time to spend less time writing about it here and more time composing something that Master would like to read over the weekend? But then again, how would He know what's going on in my mind if i don't talk about it. And then again, He seems to know what's going on with me pretty well anyways (people have a certain amount of pretictability, don't they, and submissive women maybe even more? dunno)
i read the blogs that other girls write. It seems like we all do a fair share of beating ourselves up over what grace calls "infractions" (i love that word so harsh and to the point). And we also do a pretty good job of picking ourselves up and trying harder. So that's what i'll do. Just pick myself up and try harder.
This relationship that KD and i have is precious to me. One sub friend said to me "but don't we all feel that way about our Masters?" Yes, i suppose we all do. For me, personally, this is different.
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2 comments:
I expect there to be "infractions" at times my sweet slut. And in point of fact they shall always be there. Messing up comes with being human. But the human spirit never grows as much as it does when you have to accept you are flawed. It's not how you fall from grace, but how you pick yourself back up afterwards that matters (btw slut, you can pick yourself back up w/o ever leaving your knees girl ;) Be forever dilligent in your endeavors of service and on the road to becoming more than you are today, but don't be so focused on your flaws that you are paralyzed and cannot move forward. Stop beating yourself down! That's my job. My decision. My control as to where, when and how. you are My slut now. And although you are the keeper of My pussy and tits, they are MINE now not your's as they can NEVER bring you the pleasure I do. So you see, you needn't concern yourself with this. Needn't obsess over it. Merely accept you are My slut. Mine to care for. My to discipline. Mine to entice, seduce, to make wanton and to allow you to be the slut you so long to be. And don't worry about the bumps in the road..for those days where you are road the hardest and put away the wetest are the ones you'll cherish the most ;)
xoxo KD
Master, just when i think the day couldn't get any better i find this from you! Thank You for bringing me back to center yet again, and as You say here, it's only one more time of many. Most of all, thank You for reminding me of who and what i am and of my place.... on my knees to serve You as Your girl in every way.
always,
me
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