Best Presents are From Him

Master, You were so tired, it was so late, yet You drew me back to the voice meditation You'd prepared for me earlier in the day. And when in bed, i reached between my legs and felt the thick, rich cream that had gathered as You spoke to me. More than wet, Your cunt was creamy and open. Felt the electric feelings through my clit. The edging brought me so near to an ecstatic orgasm, so near.... so fast, faster than ever before. And i just kept edging and edging, thinking about being by Your side, about Your eyes and hands on me. This was the best ever. Pain into pleasure.

Grace

It's scary how much i care for Master.

It's scary how much i care about the success of our relationship.

It's scary that i've moved beyond thinking that this is "just" a fun diversion and a way to have needs met.

It's scary how much he and "this" have become so much a part of my life and of me.

It's scary how comfortable i have become because by being so comfortable i don't bring my game face in and then i am just not always on board in a way that i'd like to be.

It's scary that i don't know "how" to do this sometimes.

i don't like to be scared. Being scared is just another name for fear and fear drives out the light. i am no good to anyone without light.... and i know this.

So today during meditation i sought surrender in the silence. That's how i do it now... "to You i surrender....". The product of the mediation today was not erotic in nature but i think it brought some clarity to my head full of swirling thoughts and to my heart full of emotions. And it dissolved enough of the fear to let enough light in so that i can begin to see how these scary things are actually good things. i don't need to look at them as scary things but as stepping stones along the journey.


i'll turn those fear based thoughts around.... and restate with light .....

i care for Master so much that i can just embrace living in this bliss for this very moment.

i care very much about the success of our relationship and i can look forward to it becoming even deeper and richer.

i've moved beyond thinking that this is "just" a fun diversion and a way to have needs met. Now there is substance and depth and a foundation to build upon.... and a bit of structure upon that foundation that is strong.

He and "this" have become so much a part of my life and of me that i am sure i will never be quite the same.

i have become very comfortable with Master and within our relationship. i am just me, open and uncovered. Through the use of grace i can learn self forgiveness and remember to trust Master and to trust myself.

i don't know "how" to do this sometimes so i need to reread all of the above.

"People around us, once we have shown more faith in them, show up for us more powerfully than we had thought them capable; a job we had thought beneath us, once we throw our creativity into it, becomes the vehicle to a great success; our lack in some area, once changed from a source of complaint to a source of thanksgiving for what we do have, turns into a source of joy. Any situation can be redeemed." Marianne Williamson

She Edges

i'm on orgasm restriction right now. i'm to edge often but not come.

During last night's devotion there was a point where i could "feel" Master's ass full as tho plugged and i could feel Him filling His pussy with His cock. I focus on those feelings during meditation so they are accessible to me when i am not with Master.

In between Master's devotional time and the time i could be alone in my bed the pleasure feelings ran up and down my clit and around the opening of His cunt. i could feel my slit fill with moisture.

Then bed. So exhausted physically and mentally but buzzing sexually.

It was nearly a compulsion to need to fill His pussy with something.... something that could be like His cock. Fingers go in first and i can feel the soft and wet pussy walls. i love to cup the wetness in my hand and draw it up to my clit and then rub and tease and pinch and pull. i feel my clit become like a marble with hard tendrils that reach deeper into my body around my vagina and it is those tendrils that want to be touched by something from inside of Master's pussy. Fingers aren't doing it. So i roll over and open the toy box and find the smaller vibe.... the one i used in my office ladies room, Master. i need to do it again now. i'll be right back.

Better now. So wanton sitting here fucking it while i write to You.

i was able to bring myself to the edge 3 times while fantasizing of being used and displayed and made to masturbate ..... so humiliating but so effective .... coming so close to falling over the edge into orgasm but pulling back each time. Trying to hold that heat as long as i could without going over.

The fourth time i nearly went too far. This time i wanted the vibe massaging my clit and the pleasure built and built and built and when i thought of being used so close up on JM i was barely able to pull back from the orgasm in time. i was on the edge of that orgasm for probably 20 seconds willing it to not go over to full orgasm.

Then sleep.

i awoke once in the night with legs spread, cunt wet, fingers pulling nipples, my other hand grazing my body on its way to Your cunt. i love what You do to Your cunt, Master.

Then this morning.... waking again in sexual energy i could imagine your voice.... how velvet and smooth and sexual it is .... as we meet in public and i am allowed to lean over to suck Master's cock while my dress is pulled up to expose my ass. All of my fantasy was about the magic You do to prepare Your slut to please You. This slut's body is all about pleasing You. Worshipping Your cock with mouth and cunt and ass.

happy birthday....
Your sk

Devotion

It's late according to my Friday night body clock. i've just finished my daily meditation so i am feeling peaceful and relaxed and aroused. i'm so grateful to Master for giving me this training that i hope i never miss. In this obediance i have found that it's a gift of time with Him and it is calming and centering to me. It's about the best part of my day.

He has trained me to focus on who i am in relation to Him and on the feelings that generates. i think by doing this mediation the rest of my day is more productive. i know that it is more productive sexually because my mind is now being trained to be in a pretty constant state of connection with Master's pussy. i know it is productive in enhancing my general attitude and joy as i work and interact with others through the day no matter where i am or who i am interacting with. i feel more alive, more vibrant. Have i mentioned the word bliss within the last 24 hours? i think i do a better job at work and at home.

Another realization as i meditated tonight is now that i belong to Master i feel calmer at home with Mr. There will be fewer resentments now that there is no pressure on him to be the type of man that he is not cut out to be. He is now free to just be.

And just so that this is not all about being in la la land, i'd like to add that most every minute of the day and night i dream of having my fingers busy between my legs. There's no time like the present, is there?

nite nite ;-)

Feeling Him

Until recently i've had limited success with meditation. i've tried focusing on light and on energy, i've tried to cast non-meditative thoughts into the river or stream to have them wash away, i've tried writing those thoughts down on paper so my mind knows i can come back to them later. i've tried using inspirational phrases as mantra. Somehow thoughts of adding to my grocery list or planning my next weekend get away keep popping back in my head.

How encouraging it is to have some success in meditation and i suppose it is because i've been introduced to a method that works and pays dividends but the main reason it works (i think) is because i've been tasked to do it daily. i cannot say this enough..... there is something intangible in the communication between a dominant and submissive and it is as though things scattered just line up. For me it is just a need being met and i am so grateful.

Anyways, i set an alarm to go off after 30 minutes. Sometimes i "come to" early and need to settle myself back down. With practice i am able to let go for the full 30 minutes.

i find that because i am being encouraged in a language that i understand and respond to i am more successful. During meditation following that "get into your head" scene, i found myself using the word "Master" successfully as a mantra -- unprompted by him to do so -- and with each word i again felt his cock enter me and i felt the burning and the chaffing as tho he was really there. i knew i was sitting in a chair but couldn't feel the chair. i knew my hands rested on the arms of the chair but i couldn't feel the fabric. It wasn't a floating feeling because i wasn't flying. It was more a feeling of almost being asleep but not being asleep. Then i heard the faint sound of the alarm, got up and went to bed to dream sweet dreams.

Chains and Other Drugs

Now it's Saturday night at about 8:30. Having some trouble writing what i want to write about chains but it is emotional. i close my eyes and imagine the sounds. i imagine the sound of the clanking, i imagine the lock being threaded through the loose end and being locked.... maybe locked to my collar with a padlock. i can feel the coldness of the metal and it won'[t be long now before the cold becomes warm and because metal holds heat, and metal is strong, i can wrap it around me, or around my wrists to hug to me. It's like being held on to. i can feel the chain tucked between my legs. i wonder if i am allowed to do that, to pull it up between my lips and pull it back and forth. i wonder if someday i won't be allowed to touch any part of me sexually unless given permission. i read of that in blogs sometimes. Or i wonder if while being chained i would have no privacy.... i read of that also. i wonder how the use of the chain imprints dominance into me. i wonder how it imprints dominance into him.

It's impossible to know.