Things i Love Post #2: Writing

Some of us just need to get these ideas out of our heads to free up more space for more thoughts that need to be written so that we can free up more space... right? And then we enjoy picking up the thoughts of others to add to the thoughts that are accumulating in our heads so that we can think and then write so we can read and write and talk and listen more and more. Is it just an intense need to communicate? Is it because we don't have time to hang over the backyard fence and yack yack yack with our neighbors like our grandmothers did?

In any event, i know that the need to write comes and goes. When i'm quiet here things are usually just fine "out there". Sometimes i am so busy i don't have time to write. Sometimes i don't have anything to say. Sometimes i have things to say and compose wonderful (i think they're wonderful) little stories or observations while i am driving or in the shower or laying in bed in the morning and then i just don't think of them again.

Months ago when i first began writing i posted that sometimes the words come easily. When i am on my own i will typically write only when the words come easily. When i am told to write, it may or may not be easy but it is good work to accomplish for Him.

Written Words

This blog began at the suggestion of a dominant man i worked with for a few months in late 2007. It was meant to be a way for me to let him know what was going on in my mind regarding D/s. The posts were pretty much just streams of thought and unedited. i was to just write and he'd glean what he needed from whatever i rambled on about. So always being the girl who loves a really good one-on-one conversation rather than captiviating the attention of everyone at the banquet table, i pretty much just spilled out the thoughts and feelings. Didn't worry about paragraphs or sentence structure. Didn't even think of polishing. i never imagined anyone other than the two of us would read it.

Now there are many who read it. i understand the attraction of looking into someone else's world. What i didn't expect was how much the sharing of my words with people i don't even know affects what i want to share. i'm not as candid any more.

i still try to just write in an unedited fashion. i'm going to try to write more often without being concerned about how people looking in will view my flip flopping and sometimes confused as to direction self. i'll try not to worry about not being polished.

Toy Went Away

The first blog i began reading was of Richard and Amy, a newly forming submissive who had, within the past 9 months or so, moved in with Richard. Maybe the other way around.... but i loved reading of them. The second blog i began reading was Married Man's Fuck Toy. Her's was insight into an extreme M/s relationship. A few weeks ago i noticed that Toy's was gone and now i found out why....

From Toy
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom…Anais Nin

Yes, I know; the blog is down. Yes, I know; the blog has been deleted. Thank you for your concern. I am okay.

Something happened very quietly that made me think about myself. Ibegan examining my own value system, my own happiness quotient, and my own needs. This was very, very hard.

But absolutely necessary. Being submissive does not mean that you don't have needs. I have never and will never be a weak or purposeless submissive. I found myself under DL. It was an incredible awakening to share this intense Owner/owned relationship with him. There is an incredible undeniable bond that forms after that first major beating… the first bloody caning… the first body modification or venture into terrifying territory…. the first time you go beyond where you'd thought you'd ever go…when they took a stand to take what was offered and that first time you realized the austere power that they held over you… when you find your purpose in submission… It's incredible and undeniable.

To say that it is life changing is not a stretch; it was. It is.

When love has limits, there is only so far a couple involved in an affair are going to go. There is a glass ceiling that can never be permeated and I have decided that it's not enough for me anymore. I want more; I want stability, growth, progression and I want to b eloved. Really loved. Not just sometimes loved; all the time loved.

I have chosen to walk away, freely, and before completely detaching, I must thank every single one of you out there that have identified, shared yourselves, and appreciated DL's toy. Thank you for sharing this amazing journey with us and know that you've all made a difference in my life with your encouragement & support.

I will write again.

The most submissive act is letting go.
I am letting go.
I have let go.
Strength begins and ends with the truths involved in facing our own fears."
.

Talking versus Writing

It's not easy for some people to write down their thoughts. It is much easier for them to just talk.... a phone call, a visit....

some communicate so well just in talking.....

i am a person who communicates better by writing.....

i've gotten better at organizing my thoughts and saying what i mean and i think writing helps.