Just Took His Hand

Moves fingers, gets mind working...been a long, long time and not sure about doing this but also sort of want to write something down.

Blogs are odd things. In a way it's just like keeping a journal. Except that it isn't private. Sometimes complete strangers read it. And what is so odd about it all is that I must feel that these written thoughts about just a tiny piece of life are so verrry worth sharing. I don't think they really are but putting some things "out there" quench a little of the exhibitionist in me same as reading blogs of others helps satisfy a voyeuristic urge I have.

Maybe this formation, this integration, this self understanding quest isn't such a tiny piece of life after all. I do tend to minimize things sometimes to deflect.... sort of like a shrug I suppose. Sort of like a passive-aggressive attention getter deflection shrug even (need another day to unravel that one). But because the blog started out as a place to put my thoughts as I tried to integrate two distinctly separate parts of my life into something that would work well overall, and because I think that goal has been accomplished somewhat, maybe it's time to go another round.

So, here I am with a wonderful dominant man I have known for 5 years, been so very drawn to, but never submitted to, until now, who has patiently listened to my crappy stuff about everything for all that time and also to all of the joy filled parts of life, and when he held out his hand I took hold saying yes, it's time now, isn't it, he nodded yes and I am so very glad. This is the journey of my growth under the guidance of man I respect and adore, who is a well respected member of his lifestyle community, a dominant man who has made me a part of him, and who has brought me into his family life, allowing me to serve him and my alpha sub sister as his beta. I love being in this place.

Daddy Said..

No more emptiness, you've had enough of that.

Perspective Heals

i'm doing well. Things are sorting out. my former Master has been walking this release with me as the adjustment is huge for Him as well. He's set some boundaries which i respect. i respect a man who follows through. And it's all good.

There is no anger. There are many, many wonderful memories that still make me smile and laugh aloud. He and i have laughed together over many. It is His way of showing me the positive side rather than dwelling on the loss.

There is sadness because He and i had become very close and very much a part of one another's lives. i miss that. So does He. And because of that very intensity and depth our relationship had to end.

To new beginnings!

Released

Last night i was released.

He said i was restless and i am. i haven't been asked or tasked for months. i think he is also restless... and has been for months now. He needs variety, new experiences. i think i actually bored him with sameness. i tried, i really tried to please him and to serve him but it just needs to be two together working toward a goal and i guess it wasn't.

So, time to sit back and see what happens next. Never know when a door will open.