Feeding the Submissive

i feel that feeding the submissive....

is the giving of information from Master to submissive... hopefully me :).

This information might be visual aides, such as pictures or videos,

might be painting a picture with words to take me where he wants my mind (or body) to be,

might be pushing my buttons within the context of a conversation.

i believe that these methods and others like them are used to hardwire my sub mind.

The information might be used to teach a behavior such as how to pleasure him in a way he prefers to be pleased. Or it could be as a demonstration of technique to expand my knowledge base.

Another purpose of feeding is to keep my cravings high so that i am able to serve more deeply and immediately. And i wish to serve, to please. The more i am fed, the more i wish to please, and the result is he draws me closer and closer towards him and i become more deeply submissive to him and also in my overall submissive feelings that i carry with me through the day. And his dominance may be triggered.

Fantasy Intense Control

i have these fantasies, they are recurring.

They involve an intensity of ownership such as chastity devices... which would mean anything from enforced orgasm control by mental or physical means, metal or some other locking chasty device and Sir would have control over it. More tomorrow, it's time for beddies.

Submissive Being or Doing

i don't like labels but i seem to like definitions. Maybe it's because definitions give information and allow people to plug the knowledge into their existing knowledge base. Labels are just kind of -YIKES- black and white. Why do i have such an issue with labels??

Using labels is helpful for a cook to know the difference between bottles cayenne pepper and cinnamon..... i know that they're important in lots of ways. They give people a common ground upon which to build and interact .......

Maybe the issue is that when people make up their minds about something and slap a label on it and when that something is not a concrete or stable thing but is flowing and alive and interactive and changing, the label has to allow for that with fluidity.

The other day i was thinking along the lines of being a submissive or doing submission. i can't remember it now even tho i remembered it 10 min ago. Another escaped 'ah ha' moment lolol middle age, gotta love it! i know it'll come back to me and then i can finish this thought. The jist of it was... i think... that submission is a state of mind and so many people think submission is about doing stuff or having stuff done to them. What about this..... maybe the "doing stuff" is out of obediance and it becomes submission when the obediance is to the one i've placed my .... self. Still not sure here.

It seems like submission is a need and a craving for me. It builds and builds and builds and then when there is release by submitting, i'm good for a time. oh wow .... now understanding that one of my needs for submission must be to have a strong patriarch.... don't want to use "daddy" because i don't know about that.... but i have craved strong male control always and rarely had it. Someone who keeps me from getting away with stuff .... someone to stop me in my tracks. i felt like i knew this before but now i understand that this is big.

i search and search within my relationships in r/l and it's like i'm asking "won't somebody do this? won't somebody step up and take this from me??" it just hasn't happened.

On another topic, i read excerpts from this book a long time ago and now there is a book. This book i will order today.... The Control Book by Peter Masters.... finally, a book that is about the psychology of D/s and not a how to bdsm book.
link to excerpt: http://www.peter-masters.com/understanding_submission/undersub.html#intro

Do i Like Being Fenced

Had another thought just randomly become clear this afternoon about fences or... rules.

i like rules most of the time. i admit i like the rules that i like and don't much care for other rules. i need to work on that i think.

i like for decisions to be made for me.... some of the time. i also like to make my own rules about some things and make my own decisions about some things. I like it all so much that it's about all i have thought about all day. It's just so good is all i can say again and again.

Fence

It must be very hard work to be someone's Dominant.

There is a story that circulates among people who teach young children and the same principles apply here. Someone did a study about young children. The teacher and a group of children walked out of a building into an empty yard without play equipment or fencing or any boundaries. The children stayed fairly close to the teacher where they felt safe. Most didn't go out to explore or play. Another time, the teacher and a group of children walked out of the building into the yard where there was some play equipment and a large field bordered by a fence. The children used all of the yard and all of the toys and didn't huddle around the teacher because the entire space felt safe to them.

This was an example of how most people need boundaries. They need to know where they feel safe and protected, where they can play without being harm or doing harm.

So i am imagining that a Dom is like being the fence, or constructing the fence for his sub. He needs to maintain it and make sure that there are things inside of the play yard that will encourage his sub and help develop her into the woman they hope she'll be someday. What an incredible task. Without the fencing, the boundaries, the safety, we may be fearful and we don't venture from our little tiny safe box. Or some of us may wander too far and get into trouble.

I have been told a time or two by about 10 or 20 people that i think too much and might benefit from just believing or accepting. So, to a fearful one like me who imagines that the fence might have holes in it where i can either get out or "things" can come in, i need to trust that the fence is built strong and will hold. And it does not need constant maintenance.

Information

Sometimes it helps to just read what other people write.

Because i have a huge interest in the psychology of D/s and i don't think there's lots written about it...... mostly we read about kinky stuff and bdsm....

i found this article to be very interesting and i think i'll read it a number of times......

http://www.steel-door.com/command_training.htm

More On Obediance

This morning i wanted to write more about the vanilla request that i wrote about on thursday. About obediance for the sake of obediance? Obediance when nobody really cares about the outcome?..... is it enough that i care about the outcome? When the person requesting (or ordering) ... does not make clear whether this is a "firm" order, no modifications.... or is this "general"... done to further an idea along and the timing is not critical.... I am talking about submitting to my husband.... as well as thinking about how this works in an online relationship.....
Sometimes i think maybe i overthink things. The fact is that i am married to a man who doesn't have interest in the power exchange. I'm lucky that he enjoys a kinky thing now and then if i ask for it. But there is still this sub woman (me) who, while obediant, still would like to be acknowledged for it. If i do a good job, i like to know. If i do a half assed job, i need to be called on it. If i skip it, i need to be punished.

I would just like to know what it's like to have this level of accountability. And what if it doesn't happen? How do i change around my mind?

Boots

mmmmmm warm bodies under warm covers......

Your boot is gliding along my slit and it brings instant wetness. It's not my slit, it's yours. You allow me to use it because it pleases you to do so. And because it pleases you i am putty in your hands. i am throbbing.

Your boot pushes up against my lips, not yet making way into the softer, wetter hidden parts. My mind hears your demand to pull my lips apart, so i do. I scooped from the pool of wet pussy, tasted, and then felt your boot tip touching that sensitive spot at the bottom of my opening. When you kiss me you'll taste pussy. I crave your fingers inside of me, stroking the wetness up along side of my clit, around it, moving the hood.... that hood that is yours and will be ringed as a symbol of what i am. This time i want to cum. I don't know whether i am allowed to or not. Tonight i want to cum on your boot, cum on your fingers. i can almost do it but can't quite get there. I don't know if i'm even allowed to cum. Slut won. Slut said get your vibe and cum for him.... he lit this fire in you, show him....

I once read somewhere that the long term denial of orgasms for men works well for them in that it builds the need to a near painful level. And for women it doesn't work like that. We love to be toyed with, brought close, practiced, practiced. Mind prepared, body follows. mmmmmmm

Acceptance

One might wonder with a title of "Acceptance" that i intend to write about accepting myself as a submissive person. But this is not what's on my mind. I accepted it long ago..... the challenge now is if or why or how i express this quality within the life (and i don't mean Lifestyle) i have chosen.

Put aside thoughts of cuffs and ropes and collars and ball gags and blindfolds. Don't even think about using "Sir" or "Master" in conversation. Cravings? Fetish clothing? After stripping those "Standards of the Lifestyle", what is left to allow some sort of expression? How important is it to exercise submissive expression? I wonder if i've put too much importance on Expression of the lifestyle. Maybe it's best to accept my life choice.

Maybe the desire goes where the mind goes so control the mind and there follows the desire.