slut to the Mailbox ..... This Morning's Task as Accomplished

i stood next to the mail box, envelope in hand. It had been with me for a long while now as a physical reminder of my service to Master and i didn't really want to let it go. In it was the cunt smeared lipstick blotted tissue that Master had me make for Him one night weeks ago. The Domme looked on as i worked to please Master by outlining my dark pink cunt lips in red lipstick to match the full red lips of my mouth. It was a method of seducing the Domme; the seduction of Her was His goal and by His use of me i became part of His plan.

And now this pussy scented tissue had become part of a plan to continue the seduction of another.... this time, a young, sensuous submissive girl. "My girl" He said to me, "Where is your special envelope? I want you to show this young girl what a slut you are. There it is, thank you, My girl."

In my hand that night was this same mossy green envelope made of beautiful slightly textured paper that had withstood the countless openings as i would look inside it again and again to see what i had made for Master and i kept it and i looked at it and held it because the act of making it had pleased Him so.

This passion, this craving to know that i continue to have meaning to Master, that i continue to have a purpose, that i continue to be a girl He chooses to use drives me to a state of craving that is barely understandable to me. i hate it and i lust after it and i love it and i crave it as a need. What is there to do but to keep coming back, keep coming back until the day comes when He tells me to go.

So i took the red smeared musky scented tissue out to show the little slut and i saw her responding in the way that sluts do when the lust wave radiates through a cunt's pussy. "Now you will mail that to her tomorrow, girl, and freshen it up for her, too, won't you?"

As Master and i talked this morning His voice and my craving need of Him made me wetter and wetter and i wiped the folded tissue again and again around the opening of my slippery cunt. Master told me what to write on my note paper, you know, the message and the gift was from Him, not from me, and all the while i wondered if the little slut would think the blue edge around the mossy green was pretty because it's the color of her eyes.

Addressed, stamped and sealed i stood on the sidewalk in front of the post office making a decision as to whether i should go inside and drop it in the slot there? Or just drop it in the sidewalk box. i turned it over in my hand. The sealed edge was a bit crumpled. Well sealed but crumpled and i raised the envelope to my face so i could smell myself on it one more time. i felt the roughness of the seal as my thumb traced along the V shaped flap. And my pussy throbs even now knowing that the envelope was not sealed by my wet tongue but by wet, wanton slutty cunt lips.

The sidewalk box received Master's note card because that was my choice to make. i didn't want to know that the postal workers i have come to know inside would be handling my pussy juices. But if Master had told me to hand it to the worker behind the counter, i would have.

xoxo

Your girl, mission accomplished

And now it's about 24 hours later. i have realized, yet again, that my purpose is in serving Him, not the other way around. But the reward comes around.

i hate the passion --not sexual passion i speak of here, it is the passion that makes me hurt so much when i feel (... insert self centered word here, pick one ....) because i have forgotten that i'm His in the way He chooses .... UGH what a baby i am, godDAMmit ... because that is my ego speaking. That is me wanting to drive. That is the "old me" or even the "cultural me, vanilla me" speaking. But then i really don't hate it or hate my submissiveness at all when i listen to the servant heart inside of me and accept her. i just hate how i react. Thus, formation.

For example, it is very unlikely that Master will even read this. He rarely does read what i write and if He does, He certainly doesn't read my stuff when i want Him to (will i EVER get this??). Yet, that is also what drives my need to serve Him because His ownership of me fits so well with my need to be owned. He is stronger than i am and i have never found a chink in that strength, as hard as i try, i cannot. There is no negotiation. i chose to be His and choose again and again. Sometimes it hurts when i forget my place and there are days of struggle ahead getting set right again. But it is my choice to be with Master as long as He will have me.

i also realized this today as i was going about the service in my household and that is this... i am not merely a quickie seduction object for Him. Those come a dime a dozen. What i hope i am, and what i can only surmize that i am to Him is that i am just simply there for Him. To meet any need He desires.

Enough for one day.

Work and Be Worked

i figured that the answer would be a simple "yes". Like the answers to most questions, though, it wasn't that simple. "Do you think it's natural for sexual energy to ebb and flow?" The answer was a "yes, but" and then "Yes, but sexual energy needs to be expanded."

i asked the question because i am concerned that i am not sexual enough. i know that my body is changing lots... some say that menopause changes a woman as much as puberty. Thankfully i still have the drive and the desire but at the same time it is just different somehow.

So what about this expanding the sexual energy idea? The meditations that Master fashioned for me are a primary way i keep in touch with my sexual feelings on a daily basis. i work hard on getting the mind and pussy working together with varying results. When it's great i can feel such pleasure deep within Master's pussy, tingles and strokes along my clit and moisture forming between my lips. When it's not so great my mind won't settle in on a mantra and it flits or drifts. So i started doing two 15 minute sessions a day to help train my mind to focus, focus, focus. Master also has me edging to keep the want growing. Today i wondered if maybe a bit of self loving the bod prior to meditation might help. Tomorrow i'll experiment. i just have to have faith that it all works for good and not obsess about easily getting or not getting the quick big "O".

So what i have come to understand about working and being worked makes so much sense. i need the work. i need the purpose. i crave it. Master knows that by putting this slut mind and body to work for His purposes gives me purpose. It's food for my spirit. And really for me it doesn't need to be sexual work for the results to make His pussy flow.... i'd serve Him in any way and i think it would be heaven.

Edging Cunt

Getting back to basics is getting to this girl's libido nicely.

Edging this morning hasn't been this intense in a long time.... my clit being so hard, Master's pussy so wet, then finding myself so wet makes me stroke wet fingers up and around my clit and then back to pussy for more. Again and again i approached orgasm and again and again i back away. i was a good slut for You, Master.

You know the effect anal beads have on Your girl. Ever since the day that You doubled my pleasure as each bead went into this ass i can't help but cream at the thought of them touching me. i didn't want to use gel, Master, not when Your cunt was so slippery so i slowly fucked myself with the beads and when the pleasure got high enough i stopped, pulled them out, and began to insert the girl cum covered beads into this ass, one at a time. With just one bead in i pulled the handle of the beads up along my slit to tease my clit more.

The pleasure was so exquisite this morning that i orgasmed as the fourth bead went in.

During the day at work i again wore Your shields, removed them with each bathroom visit and replaced them with clothes pins after admiring the pattern the shields leave on my areola. i'd start and stop my pee stream just to feel Your pussy working and i'd stroke my lovely little clitty before putting myself back together to get back to work.

i'm about to meditate now, Master. And edge some more. Or maybe i'll edge and then meditate. But i have to touch, have to touch.

Last Night Got

to worship cock.

laid.

meditation in for 25 minutes.

to wear a dildo in Master's cunt while on my way home from work and out to dinner.

to thinking that doing daily Kegels is a good idea and will please Master in His pussy's responsiveness.

an idea that a getaway sometime in the fall sounds perfect,

and thinking ocean, so....

better join the gym again to get ready because now my schedule is stable enough to commit to it.

Best Presents are From Him

Master, You were so tired, it was so late, yet You drew me back to the voice meditation You'd prepared for me earlier in the day. And when in bed, i reached between my legs and felt the thick, rich cream that had gathered as You spoke to me. More than wet, Your cunt was creamy and open. Felt the electric feelings through my clit. The edging brought me so near to an ecstatic orgasm, so near.... so fast, faster than ever before. And i just kept edging and edging, thinking about being by Your side, about Your eyes and hands on me. This was the best ever. Pain into pleasure.

KD's hypnoslut

i have an assignment and that is to write about what has happened over the past 2 days. i have until 7:00 tonight to finish my entry.... that's when Master gets home from golfing.

As luck would have it i have unexpected company tonight! So i have only part of my entry written and i beg Your understanding, Master, and i will come back to You here as soon as i can. i hope to be making You proud with my completed entry as soon as possible.

Here we go.... Master gave me another chance to complete this today.

"On a day when my pussy never stopped flowing, and i never stopped floating, i'm asked to write about my experience and i don’t seem to be able to find the words.” Master gave me this sentence as a place to start as a place to document what has happened over the past 2 days because these have been two of the most free and delightful days i have spent. Free.

But first I feel like I have to explain how we got there. If someone were to listen in on the conversations that Master and i have, they’d probably see that ours are not unlike most between a dominant and a submissive. The difference in our conversations is that He may choose to speak to my subconscious as well as to my conscious mind.

He has access to my subconscious because I give Him access to it during a trance state. I have a general awareness that it is happening but not specific awareness. It is like I just push the watchful vanilla me out of the way to allow slut submissive me to have the experience that vanilla me craves but is so way overly protective of. Somehow I know that Master draws me closest to Him when He takes me to the deepest state. And each time He does that I bond more closely to Him in my conscious-minded world as well. Just thinking about this makes His pussy throb as I write for Him.

Over the past months Master has continued to work with me to train my mind to focus on his voice, to focus on tasks at hand, to block out random thoughts, to focus on my body’s sexual responses and to focus on how i feel in response to belonging to Him. This is largely how i serve Him. Everything i do in service to KD is to follow Him where He wants to take me and to do what i can to bring light into His life in whatever way He asks. This is what He wants from me and this is what i try to give. I do mess up sometimes like when I didn’t get this entry done on time. Thank You, Master, for Your most perfect way of handling me.

i was such a huge doubter at first. My conscious mind does not like to settle down even for sleeping and dreaming or even to scene in BDSM... puts up SUCH a battle.

Anyways, i have always understood that i will grant Him access to my trance state and while in a trance state He may choose to talk to me really deeply. While in a trance state i completely understand what is going on and i can stop at any time. It’s not a whole lot different than being in deep subspace and maybe it’s the same thing. i’m not sure but they feel like they come from the same part of my mind. It’s that submissive yearning to be “one with the One” that puts us into subspace and it is also the path that works for hypnotism, too.

Master has also given me some tools that keep me close to Him, some concrete items that have emotional meaning and also evoke physical erotic responses. One tool is a visualization that He uses so that i can feel him and touch him and even smell him and hold him close to me.... and if I hold, say, a large pillow, it is like holding him. I know he has given me this gift of comfort.

Another tool KD uses is the nipple shield. The shields have become symbols of my being bound to Him so that when I see them or hold them or wear them, i feel that bond. Over the past two days i also discovered that when I wear them and then touch them i feel so very charged in Master’s pussy and it pulses and pulses and pulses. By the end of the day Monday, I had not let the shields out of my sight and wore them most of the day. I wore them to bed and awoke on Tuesday morning with one still on and holding the other in my hand.

By Tuesday morning i knew that i would crave have all three holes plugged by the end of the day. i knew that i would become increasingly aroused as the day wore on. i don’t have any specific recollection of having a conversation like that but i just knew. i knew it without thinking about it.

Master and I chatted on Monday night. i'm sure every sub has had the experience of having their minds worked and bodies worked in such subtle ways by the use of trigger words and combination of tone and sentence structure and all those other magical tools our dominants use in addition to the use of the heavier handed methods (smiles). So by Monday night when we talked and when we were talking with our group of friends, i'd been worked in a mind fuck sort of way the entire day and was ready to just sit with Him and serve Him by responding to Him in a way that i could hope to please Him.

So that Monday night with Master i felt myself slip easily into "flying" mode, so hyper tuned into every word, every expression. He had me edging as we spoke and i felt my excitement growing with certain words.... he'd encourage me with "good girl" and i'd feel tongues on my clit. He'd say something else and i'd feel His cock inside pussy. He'd bring me close to orgasm then back away and do it again and back away and do it again and back away, and then sent me to bed.

And i had some instructions. i knew that by the end of the next day we would have some time in voice chat and i would crave to have Him plug my 3 holes. i'm sure there was more but i don't remember.... i just rode the most delish wave and followed Him. Voice chat could mean some time in hypnosis and those times are so very rare and to be cherished. Such a gift it is, and I thank You Master. i was already on a cloud of bliss before i went to bed on Monday.

You know, there’s that battle between vanilla me and slut me. Vanilla me is self conscious and slut me doesn’t really know what to do with vanilla self conscious me. Master has the key, though, and he unlocked that door for me on Tuesday.

We met for a special lunch (both vanilla and slut me love to have lunch with Master).... voice and video chatting from my bed to His desk. He instructed me to have some of my toys ready so I did. And then He began.

I love His voice, I love how there is never a lack of conversation between us. I love his laugh and I love His kindness and I love hearing his passion. I love hearing his footsteps. His stern words make me cry and sometimes sarcasm makes me angry but then it also gets my attention. In my mind’s eye I can see his twinkling eyes and his thoughtful expressions.

That day I shared 3 new toys with Master. A long, ribbed glass dildo, a thick g spot vibe and anal beads. I also had Fat Boy which is KD’s name for the big penis shaped butt plug and a couple of old stand by vibes. The anal beads had been in for a while and before we started our hypnotic session, I removed it because putting it in and taking it out is the part that feels best ;). I also wear our nipple shields when we are together and most of the time when we are apart. Their use makes me most submissive to Him.

I am most comfortable on my side holding a pillow when relaxing in bed. Then with the one word He uses to trance me, I went to him. I “walked” down steps and I could see Him at the bottom of the staircase. The closer I got to Him, the deeper and deeper I went and then I let Him know I was there. He had me begin by inserting the anal beads. One at a time, my girl, He said. Take your time, no rush... and by the time the 2nd or 3rd bead was in I was in ecstasy with each additional bead. I have never felt such pleasure from something going into my ass. I was crying out in pleasure, writhing in pleasure as each went in.... I bless the person who made such a long strand of anal beads. I think I was arching from the pleasure.

One hole was filed. Then He filled His pussy with the big thick spot vibe and soon after my mouth with Fat Boy, the cock. The nipple shields sent shocks of pleasure to Master’s cunt as He worked His grateful slut.

Master talks gently to me through our sessions, creating phrases and words that evoke orgasmic feelings for me. On Tuesday He brought hundreds of tongues to stroke my clit and I actually felt His cock grinding and pumping so hard into me and then withdrawing soooooo agonizingly slowly. He fucked me again and again. The faster and louder I moaned the faster He fucked and the harder the tongues licked. The fantasies he wove for our mutual pleasure brought me closer and closer to orgasm. Wow I just remembered something. I knew ahead of time that by the end of the day on Tuesday I would have a huge exploding orgasm for Master. And I did, I did. Finally! It is so hard for me to orgasm and this one was the best ever. Ever ever. It lasted for a long time, a very long time. Master told me that I was arching and flailing around. I remember sobbing and thanking Him and telling Him how much I love Him.

That was not to be the end of our day, tho. There was another piece yet. And that was to take this experience to friends on the site where we chat while still in my bed, while still undressed, while still flying, while vanilla me was sooooo subdued and to finally be the exhibitionist sub slut I have longed to be. I had specific instructions to remain mostly covered but to tease was OK. I could discreetly fuck any of my toys (which I did and I know some cocks were made hard by the flexing of my ass as I did) and I was to share with our friends what had happened that afternoon.

I was able to spend most of the afternoon in that gloriously free state of mind and body and even now, Thursday morning, I am floating.

Master, I adore You. I thank You.

He Wrote me an e-mail

i confess that i had an attitude.

i was completing a task.

i was not happy.

i was thinking that i could still be in bed, asleep. i thought it probably made more sense for me to be in bed, asleep.

And mostly because i don't like doing what i was asked to do.

i remembered that it isn't about what i like to do or when i like to do it or if i like to do it.

i did it anyways.

Then i got a little happier.

Then i had peace.

It doesn't really matter what the task was because the issue is about my attitude and my understanding of my place. Master had asked me to do this task a while back and i'm not sure how long ago it was but probably a week or two. i back-burnered it for some reasons that i thought were good ones.

Then i got the e-mail. i was really happy when Master told me he'd sent me an e-mail because we don't e-mail often. And you realize, don't you, that i thought it would be full of twisted thoughts and things that would make my heart race and blood rush from my head. Then i read it. He was very kind, but very firm. "....... my girl..... I know you are busy at work and so am I.... quality time together ...... I know you can accomplish this..... will keep us connected.... " To Master i responded that the task would be completed by noon on Saturday.

My reactions? My heart raced and blood rushed south even still. Then soon i became a bit defensive. My way of thinking through the timeline wasn't the way it was going to be? The defensive feelings were my vanilla responses that i use in most of the rest of my life. i quickly realized that it is his place to do just what he did and that i am to be grateful and am grateful that he cares enough to keep me on track. Then i panicked a little because i just panic and then i felt peace. i didn't have to think about planning for time availability or avoiding it.... Master took that from me and i was left feeling free and anticipating doing something for him.

Master was pleased with the results of my work for him. He wrote me a lovely e-mail with twisted thoughts and words that made my heart race.

i started to write "i'm sorry that i had an attitude" but that isn't true. i'm grateful that i had an attitude because without it i might not have grown through this task quite as much.

It's a beautiful circle, isn't it?

Melting?

A few things are going on right now. This is going to be so whiny. And i'm still going to write it.

Work is insane. And i love it when it's like this. Even though i have so little left of me at the end of the day i love it. What i don't like is that it seems to take it's toll out of the quality of the rest of my life.

i love our clients (most of them). i love it that one of them has brought in TimBits twice in the last 2 weeks. i love her.

The lav times still happen but they are less frequent. Sometimes i just don't take the time to pee or even drink anything to make the pee. i know that is not healthy but the real downer is that all the concentration and attention to detail required to work means i can't spend as much quality time tempting Master's pussy with erotic thoughts.

i also have some new tasks to complete. These are tasks that are one time things and not ongoing. i like to get one time tasks done fast and guess what. They aren't getting done. That bothers me a whole lot. My new tasks are taking longer to complete that i like and i think that is a stress producer.

Not only am i being whiny but the tears are coming now. So girls, how do you do this? Do you ever have panicky feelings about messing up your tasking or not progressing? How do you balance it all?

She Edges

i'm on orgasm restriction right now. i'm to edge often but not come.

During last night's devotion there was a point where i could "feel" Master's ass full as tho plugged and i could feel Him filling His pussy with His cock. I focus on those feelings during meditation so they are accessible to me when i am not with Master.

In between Master's devotional time and the time i could be alone in my bed the pleasure feelings ran up and down my clit and around the opening of His cunt. i could feel my slit fill with moisture.

Then bed. So exhausted physically and mentally but buzzing sexually.

It was nearly a compulsion to need to fill His pussy with something.... something that could be like His cock. Fingers go in first and i can feel the soft and wet pussy walls. i love to cup the wetness in my hand and draw it up to my clit and then rub and tease and pinch and pull. i feel my clit become like a marble with hard tendrils that reach deeper into my body around my vagina and it is those tendrils that want to be touched by something from inside of Master's pussy. Fingers aren't doing it. So i roll over and open the toy box and find the smaller vibe.... the one i used in my office ladies room, Master. i need to do it again now. i'll be right back.

Better now. So wanton sitting here fucking it while i write to You.

i was able to bring myself to the edge 3 times while fantasizing of being used and displayed and made to masturbate ..... so humiliating but so effective .... coming so close to falling over the edge into orgasm but pulling back each time. Trying to hold that heat as long as i could without going over.

The fourth time i nearly went too far. This time i wanted the vibe massaging my clit and the pleasure built and built and built and when i thought of being used so close up on JM i was barely able to pull back from the orgasm in time. i was on the edge of that orgasm for probably 20 seconds willing it to not go over to full orgasm.

Then sleep.

i awoke once in the night with legs spread, cunt wet, fingers pulling nipples, my other hand grazing my body on its way to Your cunt. i love what You do to Your cunt, Master.

Then this morning.... waking again in sexual energy i could imagine your voice.... how velvet and smooth and sexual it is .... as we meet in public and i am allowed to lean over to suck Master's cock while my dress is pulled up to expose my ass. All of my fantasy was about the magic You do to prepare Your slut to please You. This slut's body is all about pleasing You. Worshipping Your cock with mouth and cunt and ass.

happy birthday....
Your sk

Rubbing One Out

This is a new term for me. i heard it for the first time maybe a couple of months ago and i wonder if it has been in common use for way longer. Anyways i confess that i am one to just want to rub one out.

Lazy cunt is term that i'm more familiar with. i finally had the lazy cunt personal aha moment today. i've known i was/had/is a lazy cunt for a couple of years now but finally today it just sunk in. My lazy cunt is ready to be worked and taught and used for the benefit of the one i hope to serve and for my own benefit.

Sometimes i think a lazy mind goes along with the lazy cunt. i have a lazy mind which is probably due to being able to grasp things quickly and sometimes deeply without trying too hard. Sort of like the lazy cunt, isn't it, quick and sometimes deep without trying too hard.

When i want to masturbate i just grap the fav vibe, get the feeling going and off i go. i don't even think i can orgasm without the vibe. i can almost but not quite.

This where D/s ties into this topic.... dominants have a way of pulling the best out of submissives, don't they? Over time, with much patience and encouragement and probably puninshment, they shape the sexuality of their submissives to a new level. They can even instill their own personal fetishes into the mind and body of their girls so that those fetishes become shared.

i am early in a relationship with a dominant who lives in a different city and has his life there which he loves very much. He's fun and funny and witty. i love the sound of his voice. He's sooo sexual.

This man captivates my mind and body. He has me meditating 30 minutes each day to focus: on him, on how he controls my pussy and how my pussy controls my mind. To recognize and focus on the sexual feelings and sexual energy. The meditation makes me very open to him. It trains my mind and body and at the same time it's very relaxing and refreshing.

Ache

You know that feeling when you wake in the morning and you reach down and graze just one finger up the slit.... and when the finger gets to the top of the slit it's all wet. Then that bearing down feeling comes with a groan just to remind you that your pussy's been working all night to get ready for touch?

i rolled back to my side to sqeeze my legs together and imagined his hand on my ass cheek. What i wanted most of all was to feel his finger just touch that smooth pussy from behind, those plump lips that want to open for him. To hear him in my ear say "open".... gawd sometimes i wish i could just be all pussy and ass for him and nothing else.

Do i ask for his fingers? Do i beg for his cock? His mouth? Just now i want them all at the same time.... how many more minutes to i have? 10 more. Good. Open. The lips peel slowly apart having been held together all night with white cream that oozes when i dream dreams of his control over me and my obediance to him. When i dream dreams of serving and servicing him with an open mouth that is like a cunt-mouth. The ache is strong and i dip a finger into pussy that he owns and i hear him.... "did i say you could touch?" That just makes me want more.

How many more minutes.... 5? There's time to rub that little clit into full lust so i do. Please Sir, can i cum now, please.

Permission granted.

Balance

I think i've run out of things to talk about, at least for a time. Don't have any big things weighing on my mind. oh wait a sec, maybe there is something....

How does a sub achieve balance in all parts of life? I mean, i do alright maintaining a decent balance between work and home and responsibilities.... seems like work takes most of my time and energy but outside of work, the chores i really have to do get done. I guess i'm wondering about submitting and if it should be a part of my thought life most of the time? How do i maintain a balance?

Maybe it's like being on a diet. Let's say somebody's on a diet. They don't "work" the diet constantly in a way that dieting is all they do at the exclusion of other priorities. But it's there planned for and put into action and being worked so that there is success.

So maybe D/s balance is similar.... we don't "work" it constantly at the exclusion of other priorities but it is always there with the reminders of the tasking helping me along so that when Sir desires action from me, he gets it :). Yes, this last sentence "did it for me" :)).