He Wrote me an e-mail

i confess that i had an attitude.

i was completing a task.

i was not happy.

i was thinking that i could still be in bed, asleep. i thought it probably made more sense for me to be in bed, asleep.

And mostly because i don't like doing what i was asked to do.

i remembered that it isn't about what i like to do or when i like to do it or if i like to do it.

i did it anyways.

Then i got a little happier.

Then i had peace.

It doesn't really matter what the task was because the issue is about my attitude and my understanding of my place. Master had asked me to do this task a while back and i'm not sure how long ago it was but probably a week or two. i back-burnered it for some reasons that i thought were good ones.

Then i got the e-mail. i was really happy when Master told me he'd sent me an e-mail because we don't e-mail often. And you realize, don't you, that i thought it would be full of twisted thoughts and things that would make my heart race and blood rush from my head. Then i read it. He was very kind, but very firm. "....... my girl..... I know you are busy at work and so am I.... quality time together ...... I know you can accomplish this..... will keep us connected.... " To Master i responded that the task would be completed by noon on Saturday.

My reactions? My heart raced and blood rushed south even still. Then soon i became a bit defensive. My way of thinking through the timeline wasn't the way it was going to be? The defensive feelings were my vanilla responses that i use in most of the rest of my life. i quickly realized that it is his place to do just what he did and that i am to be grateful and am grateful that he cares enough to keep me on track. Then i panicked a little because i just panic and then i felt peace. i didn't have to think about planning for time availability or avoiding it.... Master took that from me and i was left feeling free and anticipating doing something for him.

Master was pleased with the results of my work for him. He wrote me a lovely e-mail with twisted thoughts and words that made my heart race.

i started to write "i'm sorry that i had an attitude" but that isn't true. i'm grateful that i had an attitude because without it i might not have grown through this task quite as much.

It's a beautiful circle, isn't it?