Temptation

Seems like this topic is on my mind a lot so i'm going to give in and just work it through here.


i had a realization .... i think it was yesterday .... that a reason why i feel so free to serve and to surrender to you, Master, here online is because i am totally protected from the temptation to take it real with you. We made that committment up front that we would not meet for sex.

Yes, i am always tempted to take D/s real. i will always be tempted to take it real because i crave a power exchange relationship. i crave it because it's my nature and i crave it because i had D/s "real" and once bitten i still want it.

i made a final and ultimate choice to not go back for more. i chose love for the benefit of others (and yes it was also for my own benefit) and in doing so i gave up all probability that i will ever engage in a r/t power exchange relationship.

i knew all of this going into our relationship but here's where i now have greater understanding. When i was faced with the "online first and probably moving to real" i could not surrender, i could not commit, i could not fully engage because to do so could mean that i would not be able to stop myself from placing myself fully within the delema of staying or walking away from my marriage.

This is not a biggy thing. It's just a growth spurt of understanding myself a little better.