More and Maybe Some Light This Time

The middle of the night sure brings out the whinies doesn't it? That last post is something! Actually i am glad it's there because it's all true and all part of figuring this out.

After i wrote that i stood in a hot shower for a very long time, just thinking some more. I know i've talked about some of this before but i suppose i'm still working it thru... and that is....

that it's not about me, it is about submission. It's my submission and that's where i do come in to make it mine because it's my need to express. A Need.

It's all a balance. It can never be just and only about any one person or something is probably very unhealthy. It's really about taking care of each other with the power dynamic in place.

Another thing we've talked about more than once is that it's not only about sex. What i think is happening at home is that i look for the power exchange to happen in a sexual, BDSM way because it doesn't happen at the interpersonal level and probably won't. BINGO i think i'm onto something. Power Exchange Need translating into "sexual Need" which is actually better defined as sexual want. And what i desire so very much is for the power exchange to happen at the interpersonal level. If it happens there, it will naturally follow that it happens sexually as well.