Grey

Every morning begins with thoughts of this journal. Sometimes topics come clearly, sometimes i haven't a clue, but this short time has taught me that thoughts will bubble up as needed and time will make itself available and here we go.....

Thinking today about the movie called Gone Baby Gone. I like "escape" movies, but i also love to have my mind fully engaged. This one kept me thinking. On the surface this movie is a story about a lost child, an alcoholic mother and police corruption.... maybe some social injustice thrown in... but to me shows us so powerfully that life is not black and white but is largely grey.... what seems so perfectly right is also so perfectly wrong. At the same time it defends the principle of the slippery slope.... that once one small step is taken in the direction away from society's or one's personal limits, the next is easier and pretty soon we're at the bottom of the hill looking up at what was once our life, or principles, or belief system. It was probably our thinking within the "shades of grey" area that took us down the slope.

I'm not making a value judgment as to whether this is right or wrong or positive or negative. What i'm saying is that life stretches us if we allow it to or even in spite of ourselves so maybe it's a good idea to invite the change and stretch rather than fight it off. And as we step down the slope, we can look back from time to time to see if this is, indeed, the place we hope to be.

This is supposed to be my journal of submission and i'm not sure what this has to do with submitting. I think, though, that it's another admission to and affirmation of myself that this is the right place to be. Sir said that the two paths are not at odds.... loving my vanilla life and relationships while at the same time submitting to him. I am both of those women....And i believe that and admit that. I'll even call it a win-win. I'm a submissive woman within a D/s life and a vanilla life at the same time. The struggle is because this path is unconventional (however not uncommon). My little black-grey-white meter dial flips all over the place which just shows what.... growth? that i have a ways to go? dunno.... it's not upsetting .... i just think it challenges me which probably stirs up some uncomfortableness....

maybe that's it.... the nugget of the day.... challenge stirs up uncomfortable things.... how i do look forward to Sir challenging me to draw out every ounce of me to allow me to give it all to him

my gratitude to you, Sir.....

yours,
me