Saturday. Chores-yuck.... but it does feel good to have the beds changed, paperwork filed away.... you know how it is.
"What a busy girl you've been this morning" Mr. said as he climbed the stairs and saw the laundry ready to be carried downstairs. That pushed my submissive buttons and i went on to describe just how busy a girl i'd been. "I've been a good girl getting all of this done" as i kissed him and he agreed and bent me over the soft pillows and comforter gathered on the foot of our bed.
His hard cock behind the buttons of his jeans rubbed across my ass and his hands pushed me further into the bedding. As he ground himself into me, his hands slid under the cups of my bra, teasing and his teeth found my neck. "i love being made useable to you" i murmered. "you do, huh... " i struggled.... bites hurt... and he wrapped a handfull of my hair through his fingers and pushed my face into the mattress and whispered "i think you need a little plug", pulled my pants down around my knees and walked to the side of the bed, leaving me exposed and waiting.
The big toobox opened and i watched as he found what he needed. "i don't think thongs have much use except for one thing" i said as he lubed the tip of the plug. "oh? what's that" "to hold the plugs in" ..... smiles... and i heard the floor creak as he walked back around me. How can 5 steps seem to take such a long time?! i felt fingers spreading me open, oh gawd, he's looking up my ass... then the cold wet lubed plug easing in. Heaven.
i thought he was done, i thought he'd have me pull up my pants and get on with the day. But he wasn't.
i heard the belt buckle rattle. The sound of the jeans opening. Am i going to get the belt across my ass..... i hope so, soooo hope so. But not today. Today is about me being used for his pleasure, and he took his by covering the small of my back with his cum.
He cleaned me up, pulled up my pants, and walked away.
He is my soul mate on many levels. I've known him for 37 years. He has an inventory of my baggage and loves me anyways. He knows of the deep need in me to be used, owned, objectified, hurt-in-love, made accountable, punished..... and doesn't really understand any of it. So when there are days like today when he has sought me out for his pleasure, the fire in me is quenched for a time. i am grateful. And i hold hope in that we might find and push his dominant buttons. Who knows, maybe someday he'll feel the need enough, or feel safe enough to express. If it's in him.
It all started… what?…8 years ago now?
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Once again, I am going to try and recreate the post FL ate yesterday. I
have been 24/7 live in with Master for almost a year and a half now. I’ve
been his ...
10 years ago
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5 comments:
Dang, Girl!
i love that! You are ahead of the game that he is there to do for you what you can't do for yourself. He might not understand it, but more important, he ACCEPTS you. i am glad you have someone like that in your life.
~nik
As s/nik says, he may not understand completely, but he seems to have accepted you and your needs, at least partially. Clearly there is hope.
David
Thank you both nik and David. It's nice hearing from you both.
i am also glad i have someone like this man in my life. You both stated what i know to be true and have such a hard time embracing.... and that is that this CAN be enough and in taking into account the entire picture of life and family and love, it should be enough. i suppose it's a part of my human condition to see only what i want to see. i also realize that in reading blogs or talking with others in the lifestyle, i hear only what is presented which may be only what they want to be seen. Nobody has the "perfect" situation but i do believe that i am a fortunate girl.
crys
My Master and i were in a (mostly) vanilla relationship before we started doing D/s. We played a little with bondage and spanking, but with no power exchange element. He just didn't "get" why it would be appealing, and thought it seemed like a lot of work.
But then things changed, and He found His inner Dom, and i have finally gotten to experience the submission that i had been craving.
i don't know if the same thing is possible for you. If it's not there inside of him, then it's not there, but i hope maybe there is some angle on D/s that would appeal to him and make him want to use you as you want to be used. i don't think a submissive can drive a D/s relationship on her own - at least, i have never succeeded when i tried. i found it very frustrating when i knew that the only person exchanging power was me.
*hugs*
Thank you, sub lyn :) .... you've encouraged me a great deal by sharing this bit of your history. It's such a good reminder that we all start at the beginning... and there's lots of work along with the pleasure. And girl, by the sound of what we read in your blog, you have that work and pleasure going quite a bit *wink*.
i was fortunate to have been used a couple of times just this past weekend and i guess i'm not ready to talk about it yet. Or maybe it's just something i am not sure how to express in a post all its own, but it seemed as tho there was more of him driving and less of me. It's good and i'm hopeful.
Thanks again for all the encouragement left here in comments.... it's wonderful.
crys
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