Decending Again

i'm not exactly sure what is happening. Or maybe i do. At the simplest, i am just simply tired of this. Tired of the online silliness of the shallow praise given by horny net geeks. ooooo crys, nice chest, ooooo crys, wow wow, ooooo crys i watch you all the time, oooooo crys,.,.... whatever they think will work to get boobs flashed or cunt spread. What a load of shit.

Wanting to do a good job at something for real praise but not having anything to do ..... oh wait .... oh yes, the showing up and sitting with a plastic smile on my face if the real heart isn't in it, best use the plastic smile.... looking like a fucking senior picture from the yearbook while laughing at the appropriate times and being witty and FUN FUN. Can't forget FUN. i am so sick of this. So sick of the shallowness of it all. The temporary nature of it just sucks because it holds so little of any worth. It's all in the head. All in the mind. Pretend.

And what i want is it to matter.