I'll be closing up shop soon. I've been on a "permissions only" status for a couple of days now. It was very touching to hear that people actually read this blog and even more touching to know that some have wondered why my blog went to password only. Short answer? I'm going on holiday meaning I'm just ready to take a break. I'll be the only one to have permission because I'm not ready to delete all this stuff but don't want to share it anymore either.
I have decided to stop blogging for a while as it's become like a tail attempting to wag me ;). I tend to start thinking about numbers and when they climb my ego comes in and then I want to write things to get even more readers. That can't be why I write. I'm not really sure why I write but I am sure that writing for numbers is not the best path for me. I have no less than four posts in draft form, all "Dear Master" types of entries that are pretty much blubbering bullshit to anyone but me. So in draft they will stay because the healing came in the writing, not in the sharing.
It does not feel good to me knowing that strangers are "getting off" on my stuff.... it used to charge me but now it just makes me feel yucky. I find that I can express just as well or better by writing personal e-mails to Master and that works best because I need to know that someone I care about hears me.
I've even toyed with the idea of posting erotic or even pornographic photos here and, really, the only reason would be to get attention. For me, it is attention that does me no good. Sex blogs, lifestyle blogs, pictures taken to entice a reaction or to get people to look and comment and masturbate over is a culture that is just not comfortable for me to read or to create.
Things are alright, though.... I'm mainly just really trying to figure out how to live as a submissive in a vanilla life without crossing the line.
It all started… what?…8 years ago now?
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Once again, I am going to try and recreate the post FL ate yesterday. I
have been 24/7 live in with Master for almost a year and a half now. I’ve
been his ...
10 years ago
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2 comments:
Just had to comment only because i do think you bring a great perspective to the bdsm world. When the massive MMFT site was up, i know exactly what you're talking about- going private allows me to stress less about numbers or who's reading and more about expression and quality of content. Breaking away from it is also exxential i've found. None of this i say in attempts to reverse your situation, but instead, to give you pride that you were / are appreciated as a wonderful view&glimpse into your world and i've enjoyed. i will miss visiting you and wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
toy
toy, i never thanked you for this note you left for me, and, in fact, just found it again. i hope you come back to visit from time to time.... not sure i will have much to say but i do understand how facinating it is to see into the life of others even if only to find comfort in knowing that in our humanity we just do the best we can on any given day with what we have.
Thanks for your affirmation :) !!
crys
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